Mick Hartley

Meanwhile, a welcome corrective to the endless news coverage, from the Daily Mash:

LONDON residents have told extremists that they have far more pressing things to worry about.

Londoners told terror wannabes that they will never even scrape the top five of things that plague their tired, jumbled minds on a daily basis.

“If terrorists think they can make me more scared than I already am, good luck with that. As far as nagging daily anxieties go, I’m afraid they’ll have to take a number and join the back of the queue.”

Brixton-based Mary Fisher said: “I live in a garden shed with two 45-year-old computer programmers and today I did a three-bus commute to Oxford Circus, then paid £12 for a chicken sandwich in some vaguely fancy bread.

“I deal with London bullshit every single day. I am undefeatable.”