Mick Hartley

In this fascinating and learned theological disquisition, Syrian-born Saudi cleric Muhammad Al-Munajid, on Al-Majd TV, fills in some of the gaps in our understanding of paradise:

Allah said that the black-eyed virgins are beautiful white young women, with black pupils and very white retinas, whose skin is so delicate and bright that it causes confusion. Allah said that they are like hidden pearls. They have wide eyes, and they have not been touched by man or jinn. They are virgins, who yearn for their husbands. They are all the same age, morally and physically beautiful. They are like precious gems and pearls in their splendor, their clarity, their purity, and their whiteness. They are like hidden pearls – as pure as a pearl within a shell, untouched by man. Each one of them is so beautiful that you can see the bone-marrow through the delicate flesh on their legs.

Such brilliant beauty does not exist in this world. Where can you find such beauty? Whereas the women of this world may suffer, for days and nights, from menstruation, from blood for 40 days after childbirth, from vaginal bleeding and from diseases – the women of Paradise are pure, unblemished, menstruation-free, free of feces, urine, phlegm, children….

A bit like the Playboy Mansion, then…

Moreover, Allah cleaned them of all impure and foul things, both in appearance and character. In character, they are not jealous, hateful, or angry. They are not greedy…..

They are restricted to tents, locked up for the husband. There is no such thing as going out. When he comes home – they are there. There is no such thing in Paradise as a man coming home and not finding his wife there. Allah described them as women who lower their gaze, and never look at anybody but their husband. As for deriving pleasure – the man is given the strength of….

The Prophet Muhammad says that in Paradise, a man gets the strength of 100 men when it comes to eating, drinking, passion, and sex….

…with Viagra on tap.

And you can go to the sweet shop every day, and the sweeties are all free, and they never do your teeth any harm, and they taste lots lots better than the sweeties you get here on earth, and they're all your very favourite flavour, but you don't ever get tired of them…