Mick Hartley

This just in:

UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon has called on rebels in Darfur and Sudan's government to refrain from attacking each other after reports of fighting.

That should sort it out.

Perhaps when Ban leaves the UN he'll join the Elders, where he can be snubbed in the manner to which he's become accustomed:

Zimbabwe's government has told former UN head Kofi Annan not to visit this weekend, accusing the mission of bias, according to state media.

Mr Annan, former US President Jimmy Carter and human rights activist Nelson Mandela's wife Graca Machel said they wanted to assess humanitarian needs….

The three international figures are part of a group called the Elders, set up to tackle world conflicts.

Or maybe he could set up a rival organisation, the Betters. Princess Mabel of Orange of the Netherlands, I notice, has been appointed as the Elders' first Chief Executive Officer (you'd perhaps been wondering how she'd been spending her time recently). This could be the opportunity Prince Charles has been waiting for.