Mick Hartley

One thing I particularly enjoy about the internet is doing these questionnaire/quiz things. A couple of them were linked to at Andrew Sullivan’s Daily Dish recently: one on feminism and one on cooking. You can learn a lot about yourself from doing quizzes like these – and they’re fun! I’m inspired to try my own little quiz, as I feel it’s something maybe my blog’s been lacking.

What to take as a subject though? I’ve thought and thought, and decided that, because most of my readers come from the more literate section of the population (no, really) I’d do something to test how literary you all are.

I’ve decided against installing any fancy questionnaire-type software. I want to keep it as simple and low-key as possible. All you have to do is select the answer to each question which you think best reflects your own personal feeling. Each answer has a score next to it. Keep a running total of your score, then, at the end, you can see from my chart how you rate in the literary stakes. But remember, be honest! You’re only cheating yourself if you don’t answer these questions truthfully!

Ready? Here we go then.

1) I enjoy reading books.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

2) I like going into bookshops.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

3) I spend a lot of my time reading books.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

4) I own a large number of books.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

5) I think of myself as a literary person.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

6) I think it’s a good thing to read books.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

7) I don’t see eye to eye with people who say that reading books is a waste of time.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

8) Reading books is an good indicator of how cultured a person is.

Strongly agree (5) Slightly agree (4) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (2) Strongly disagree (1)

9) People make a lot of fuss about reading books, but really it’s not that big a deal.

Strongly agree (1) Slightly agree (2) Don’t know (3) Slightly disagree (4) Strongly disagree (5)

OK – that’s it.

Have you got your total? Good! You can now see just how much of a literary person you really are!

Score: 37 to 45: Oh goodness! You really are a very literary person, aren’t you? In fact your friends think you’re a bit of a bookworm (if you have any friends, that is!). Seriously though, being well-read is a wonderful thing, but there is more to life, you know. Why not take a break from reading now and then? Watch some TV, or go out for a drink. You may be surprised at how much you enjoy yourself.

Score: 28 to 36: You’re a well-rounded person – literate, nobody’s fool, but not obsessive about it. You can keep up with the conversation at those intellectual dinner parties, but you’re capable of switching off, letting your hair down, and having a good old laugh with your mates down the pub.

Score: 19 to 27: Well, you tried, but some people just aren’t cut out to be literary types. You never got past page 10 of Ulysses. Proust remains a closed book. Don’t worry about it, though. Think how boring it would be if everyone was the same! We need people like you to keep the world turning while the eggheads amongst us bury our noses in those dusty old tomes!

Score: 10 to 18: Hmm, it’s all a bit of a struggle for you, isn’t it? You live for the moment, but never take the time to refect on life’s deeper truths. There’s a whole world of wisdom and insight out there, but it’s buried away in libraries, and you’re missing out on it. You need some context in which to place your experiences. Instead of glancing at the papers, or flopping down in front of the TV, try disciplining yourself by setting aside half an hour every evening for serious reading (OK, we’ll let you take the odd evening off!) Soon it won’t be a chore anymore: you’ll be looking forward to that time when you can step back from the hectic rush and allow yourself to acquire a deeper and more meaningful relationship with the world.

Score: 0 to 9: Oh dear oh dear! You’re beyond hope, aren’t you? Have you ever read a book? Can you even read? You couldn’t tell the difference between Shakespeare and Brighton pier! Basically, when all’s said and done, you’re a complete fucking moron.

[I expect a number of other bloggers will be interested either in linking to this quiz, or in copying it onto their own blogs. That’s not a problem. I know it’s not always easy to come up with fresh new material, and a nice quiz is always a popular choice with readers who might otherwise be gazing out of the window, or chewing on their fingernails. Just drop me a courtesy e-mail, please – that’s all I ask.]