Mick Hartley

Here’s a nice friendly face. It’s Malcolm Pattison, prolific car thief. Well he was a prolific car thief, but that’s all in the past. How do we know? Because Tyneside police have come up with a brilliant idea:

[H]e has been given a two-year Anti Social Behaviour Order (Asbo) and banned from entering any public car park in England and Wales.

The order, imposed by Newcastle magistrates, only allows Pattison to enter car parks as a car passenger.

A spokesman for Northumbria Police said: “We hope that this order has reassured members of the public and helps protect people who park their cars.

“This result sends a positive message to the local community that such behaviour will not be tolerated and the authorities will continue to take firm action against those who flout the law.”

Firm action indeed! Never again will Pattison enter a car park, except as a passenger. Well he wouldn’t dare, would he? He’d be breaking the law.

Next thing they’ll be making general Asbos which’ll apply to all of us: like for instance, it’ll be against the law to break into someone else’s car and drive it away, or, it’ll be against the law to break into someone else’s home and steal their property. If it catches on, before we know it there’ll be no crime at all.