Mick Hartley

It always amuses me, this place on Liverpool Road:

Waldman and Jim? Jim who??

But I think I may have cracked it. This is a ventriloquist and his dummy: Waldman and Jim, architects. Perhaps the only ventriloquist practicing as an architect anywhere in the world. 

It's not easy though:

Ah, do come in. Take a seat. I hope you won't mind if I don't get up. Now then, I have the surveyor's report here, in that envelope, if you'd be so good.

Who's he?

Shush Jim, please, I'm trying to…

Who's he?

Jim! Please! He's a client. I'm so sorry Mr Winterbottom, you'll have to excuse Jim here, he's a liitle tired at the moment…

Intergottom! At's a daft name.

Please, Jim.

Does he have a chilly arse then?

Jim! That's not funny! Do you see anyone laughing? No. I'm not laughing, and Mr Winterbottom here certainly isn't laughing. If you're going to insist on being naughty I'm going to have to put you back in your box. Now then, where was I? Ah yes, the surveyor's report. You'll notice that our favoured cantilevered option is still very much on the cards. We've worked on some preliminary designs…

What's he doing here?

Shush!

What's he doing here?

Jim! Will you please be quiet! We have some very serious matters to discuss. He's a client. I've told you. He's a property developer.

Looks like a gank rogger to me.

Don't be silly. Of course he isn't a bank robber. I'm so sorry, Mr Winterbottom. As I was saying, the, um, cantilevered option. I realise the expense is a little more than you'd initially planned for, but the gain in terms of space and indeed of elegance, is…

Ask him.

Shush!

Ask him.

Shush!!

Ask him.

Ask him WHAT?

Ask him if he rogs ganks.

Look Jim, I've told you already. Mr Winterbottom here is a very respectable man. Of course he doesn't rob banks. Oh please. No, don't go. I'm sorry. Look, I'll put Jim away in his box. Honestly…

…

Now look what you've done!